Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
