oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
