all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
