Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
