I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
