I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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