I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
