That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
