What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Randomize
