Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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