I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
North Korea, Best Korea!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Found the puke drawer
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
