Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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