Sponge bath it is.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
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