Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
