I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
