Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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