Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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