He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
