i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
