i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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