these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
