I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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