I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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