you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
