I swear god or herbie drove my car home
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
