i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
