Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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