How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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