from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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