Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
