No, you can still breathe under the balls.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
