if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
