I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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