My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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