I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
