All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
