Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
