Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
