At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
