I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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