i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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