just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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