me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
