what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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