does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
