I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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