Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
