How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
