My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
