I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
