at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
