Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
